WHY?

Why do I play this shit. Obviously not for me. Ridiculous. Un-fucking-believable. I don't even have fun while playing, I'm full of dread. It would be okay if I improved but nope.




I have pre existing mental health struggles and chess made everything so much worse. And now it's the thing I obsess over. Like I'm some kind of GM. I'm not, I'm just wasting my life. Chess has convinced me I'm a failure.

@vvaaaqqqqvvaqvvvvaqv said in #1:
> Why do I play this shit. Obviously not for me. Ridiculous. Un-fucking-believable. I don't even have fun while playing, I'm full of dread. It would be okay if I improved but nope.

It’s a bad idea to attach your self worth to a board game/game on an app on your phone. Putting pressure on yourself will only take away the fun and make you miserable. Try joining a local chess club. That way you can make friends and be inspired. And be prepared to lose a lot of games. We all lose lots of games. I guarantee that I’ve lost thousands of games (most of my chess playing over the years has not been online).

I got your point.
Take some break and also don't swear .

@vvaaaqqqqvvaqvvvvaqv said in #1:
> Why do I play this shit. Obviously not for me. Ridiculous. Un-fucking-believable. I don't even have fun while playing,
You're making the same mistakes every beginner makes. Blunders can be painful. But instead, try to see them as an insight into your (and everyone else's brain. Falling for a blunder isn't that much different from seeing an optical illusion. But when you see an optical illusion, you laugh and marvel at how the brain works. Do the same thing. A blunder should provoke a big, hearty laugh.

> I'm full of dread. It would be okay if I improved but nope.
You've only played a few games. Improvement doesn't come so quickly. Think of all the sports and athletes who start playing as children, but are still far from professional when they are older children, many years later. You've been here for a few days.

> I'm just wasting my life.
That's what we do here. It's an online video game, after all.

Tell you what. Lets play a couple of unrated games, and talk about every move. I'm not that good, but i think we can get you to at least a thousand elo easily. Up to you, if you want to try it, msg me. It's a frustrating game.

Here is the thing.
When I feel very bad about chess, I just stop playing rated games and play casual until I feel a bit better.
As for life in general, chess means very little. I am a mathematician and I got my PhD from Cambridge. My best friend makes my mathematics look like a joke. A genuine joke - he may be the current smartest guy on the planet. But I can beat him at chess easily:)

The point is that how good we are at something should never define anything about us. In reality the only thing that does define anything about us is our relationship with God. I believe he is the Lord Jesus Christ and worth getting to know. Really.
Otherwise, we become defined by our successes and failures and that isn't a very stable life to have. You have to make your own choice about God, but I do recommend thinking about it.

Back to chess. Try some casual games and remember that the smartest guys on the planet are probably worse than you in chess.

@vvaaaqqqqvvaqvvvvaqv said in #1:
> ... I don't even have fun while playing, I'm full of
> dread. It would be okay if I improved but nope.
If I remember correctly, about a week ago, you were playing lots of 3 minute games. It is an improvement if you now play mostly 10 minute games, but you negate much of the potential effect if you do things like think for only about 7 seconds after 1 e4 e5 2 Qh5 Nf6 3 Qxe5+ Qe7 4 d4 Nxe4 5 Bc4 d6 6 Bxf7+ Kxf7 7 Qf5+ and choose 7...Qf6, giving pajdalenka the opportunity to reply with 8 Qxe4. Sensible chess would have required that you pause long enough to notice that your e4-knight was in danger, nothing was protecting it, and the problem could have been addressed by playing 7...Bxf5. After 7 Qf5+ Qf6 8 Qxc8 Qxf2+ 9 Kd1 Qxg2 10 Qxb7 Qxh1 11 Be3 Be7 12 Qxa8 Bg5 13 Nc3, you apparently thought for about 5 seconds before choosing 13...Qxg1+.
“... Most internet players think that 30 5 is slow, but that is unlikely slow enough to play 'real' chess. You need a game slow enough so that for most of the game you have time to consider all your candidate moves as well as your opponent’s possible replies that at least include his checks, captures, and serious threats, to make sure you can meet all of them. For the average OTB player G/90 is about the fastest, which might be roughly 60 10 online, where there is some delay. But there is no absolute; some people think faster than others and others can play real chess faster because of experience. Many internet players are reluctant to play slower than 30 5 so you might have to settle for that as a 'slow' game." - NM Dan Heisman (2002)
web.archive.org/web/20140627010008/http://www.chesscafe.com/text/heisman12.pdf
After one has practiced sensible thinking in slow games, one typically gradually acquires the ability to do sensible thinking more quickly. Many many players experience considerable difficulty while trying to improve by playing only fast games.
(Previous discussion at lichess.org/forum/general-chess-discussion/how-do-you-deal-with-frustration .)

@spectrox75 said in #6:
> Here is the thing.
> When I feel very bad about chess, I just stop playing rated games and play casual until I feel a bit better.
> As for life in general, chess means very little. I am a mathematician and I got my PhD from Cambridge. My best friend makes my mathematics look like a joke. A genuine joke - he may be the current smartest guy on the planet. But I can beat him at chess easily:)
>
> The point is that how good we are at something should never define anything about us. In reality the only thing that does define anything about us is our relationship with God. I believe he is the Lord Jesus Christ and worth getting to know. Really.
> Otherwise, we become defined by our successes and failures and that isn't a very stable life to have. You have to make your own choice about God, but I do recommend thinking about it.
>
> Back to chess. Try some casual games and remember that the smartest guys on the planet are probably worse than you in chess.

Am I in church right now or on a chess website? I figured it was only on Sundays that I had to listen to all the reasons why I’m going to hell... ;)

@Le_Patzer83 said in #8:
> Am I in church right now or on a chess website? I figured it was only on Sundays that I had to listen to all the reasons why I’m going to hell... ;)

you're in the church of horsey and later day kings. the first rule of the church of horsey is we don't talk about the church of horsey, we promote pawns not lord horsey.

GREAT disscussion. I really learned a lot here,as if I was taking a philosophy class about how to deal with failure and self esteem problems. :D